My childhood friend passed away last Friday. Today is Monday. I am still in shock over it. I have been walking around in a fog the last few days, and every now and then, I sit down at the table and I just sob. I honestly feel frozen in time, thinking about our lives over the past 35 years. She and I haven’t seen each other in decades, but the power of social media has kept us connected through the past 14 years. Through her battle with breast cancer, the loss of her parents, the many health issues she has endured, through trying to confirm each other’s addresses to send a Christmas card, through the attempts to get the girls together, through the check-ins when you can tell she’s battling something heavy, through the learnings of missing big events in our lives like marriages and people in our community losing loved ones, through Hurricane Sandy, through Covid… through it all, we continued to try. We checked in every now and then, sometimes those check ins turned into hours of messaging back and forth, and then years passing once again to only a comment here and there on a post. She was one of the most incredible people I knew…and she’s gone. To see the impact that she is leaving behind is not surprising. She lived with a fire in her heart from the moment we met. Through so much of what she has been through…she always had a smile on her face. Always.
My dad adored her. They had a very special bond, probably because he always admired her work ethic. My dad always said, “she’s gonna do big things one day”, and that she did. She has impacted more lives than many of us could ever imagine. She NEVER stopped working.
When we graduated High School, I headed off to Maryland and she was only a few hours away in Philadelphia at the University of the Arts. I was able to visit her a few times and goodness, my fondest memory is sniffing a bag of glue with her and her college besties. That’s actually kind of funny, but scary at the same time. Thinking back, that was really dumb. We laughed our way through our teenage years, even after going through some of the most traumatic events a teenager could go through. Back then, we didn’t have social media. We didn’t have cell phones. We had good old fashioned answering machines and letters that you actually had to mail. I honestly can’t remember when we lost touch in between those years and later adulthood. There was no falling out, there was no drama. There was just life. She found her way back to Long Island, and I moved away to Baltimore, and then Florida and then Connecticut.
But something that this week has taught me. No matter how long it has been, or how many miles away you are, the friends that are meant to be present in your life, the community you were once a part of will always be in your heart. Even if you can’t physically be there. This week, I have had conversations with friends that I haven’t spoken to in years. I have messaged and texted with my HS Besties, some of whom live further away than I do. We are all 50 years old. We have started our own families, some moved away, some stayed. Without even realizing it over the past few decades, Elise has kept us all connected. She has been the constant connection to our home town. She loved our town so fiercely, but more importantly, she loved the people in it. She never had kids of her own, but treated every child as her own. She was a lover of life and showed a level of kindness that could make your worst day feel like your best. Even during the darkest of times, she tried so passionately to find the light. Her Smile campaign impacted so many and if anyone were to go to her page “Seaford SMILE Bags”, or even her own Facebook page, it is evident the impact and legacy she is leaving behind will be felt for a lifetime.
Back in 2009 when she was going through Breast Cancer treatment, we messaged with each other for a while and one of her messages read:
“As silly as it sounds FB has really helped cause it reminds me how great my friends are and that no matter that we haven’t seen each other in a million years we still luv each other friends that are for life ”
That is friendship. You can go months, even years sometimes without a word. But when you see each other, message each other, simply reach out…it’s not “where have you been”, it’s more “you have been missed, welcome back”…No checklist, no expectations…simply love and understanding. The last time we actually spoke was back in 2016 when her mom passed away. Even back then, it was as though the time never passed.
During Covid, she created “Smile Bags” https://www.facebook.com/groups/246824796505734/?mibextid=c7yyfP
This is the description of her FB Page:
Everyone needs an extra smile… 😊 I create these bags weekly and deliver them to your homes. *you can absolutely pick up from my home also. I ask a text be sent to XXX-XXX-XXXX with # of kids and address. Bags are not created specifically for kids.. but I feel they are great for all ages! tiny tot to teenager 😉❤ stay safe and sending you all a huge HUG AND SMILE
Yesterday, I found myself scrolling through all of the posts, the thank you posts, the shares, the encouragement, the events she has attended, and above all the SMILES. Elise has a smile that could light up a room, power a small city. Amazingly, what many already knew…behind that enormous smile that she blessed so many with, she was masking decades of pain and loss and illness. She smiled through it all. She smiled through the loss of both of her parents, through pain and illness and cancer treatment and working long hours and struggles with people that hardly knew her or her gigantic heart. She ALWAYS wanted to make a difference. She never stopped. She fought through it all and made a difference in the lives of others each and every day she lived. She lived with passion. She loved with passion. All the while with the biggest smile on her face. To her husband, and siblings, extended family and friends, to say that I am praying for you all as you navigate this loss would be an understatement. All of Seaford and beyond mourns the loss of this incredible, fearless and passionate woman! Sending you all the love and hope and kindness that Elise has passed on over the years…and more importantly, the smiles.
The legacy Elise leaves behind is one of kindness, hope and love. If we could all just take a tiny percentage of her effort, imagine what an incredible world we would leave behind. Fly high my dear friend…Give a huge hug to Mary and Pop and be sure to spend some extra time with Sandy and Jean-Pierre for I am certain they couldn’t wait to greet you with open arms….
Finding Her Sparkle 
Absolutely beautiful ❤️❤️
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