Being….

So, it’s been a while.  A very long while.  My last post was on October 7^th, 2019, the 31^st Anniversary of my mother’s death and I still can’t believe I went through ALL of 2020 without writing down a single thought or experience.  But I am sure like many of you, the entire year was spent trying to come to terms with the overall experience.  I think I spent more time looking up silly Memes than I did reflecting on what I was going through…All of our journeys are different and as always, I will share mine. 

When I decided to start this blog, I did so with one goal.  To utilize this outlet to share my own experiences so that I might help others feel less alone.  For the last 15 months, as I have often said, I have simply been keeping my head above water.  It is amazing I made it through all of 2020 without posting on this site.  I am sure many of you have forgotten about “Finding Her Sparkle”.  I kind of did too.  I kind of spent some time forgetting about myself.  Forgetting about what fuels me, what helps me feel alive.  Forgetting about what a difference I truly can make in the life of those who need to hear what I have to say.  I think entering 2020, I started to become speechless…I lost my words for a while.  I was just getting by, doing the best I could.  I am sure you did too!  Some of you suffered losses unimaginable.  Some of you lost loved ones.  Some of you lost jobs and some of you simply felt paralyzed.  There were times over the past year, that I found myself just praying harder than I ever have.  While it is impossible to know what lies ahead, I found that I closed this past year feeling more grateful, more hopeful and more determined to truly make my moments count.  Even though my moments might seem very simple, I actually have found that I like simple.  A lot.   So here we are…2021!   

I’m starting this year off with one simple goal…to continue to feel enough.  Enough for me.  But I need to determine what that “enough” is. What is your definition of “enough”? I want to take the early part of this new year to share some thoughts and reflections from the last 15 months that I hope will help you if you need it.  As I have evolved over these past 15 months, I have come through the other side of one of the most challenging years of my life with a grateful heart, an empowered spirit and a goal to find a balance that is both flexible and purposeful.  I am approaching 48 years old.  My mother died when she was 49.  I know my sister understands this as do many of my Motherless Daughter friends.  I’m almost at a milestone that not many understand. 

To start off this first post of the New Year, I would like to keep it short…and I would like to commit that I will continue to write both professionally and personally.  As many of you know, I am a Career Counselor by trade.  My decision to pursue this career was fueled by my life experiences and quite often the personal blends into the professional.  More on that later…

But in the meantime, I wanted to end on a reflection of my very first post from back in March 2018 when I started this blog.  I wrote “About Me”.  I have decided to spend some time this month reflecting on each of my “abouts” and share where I am today “post 2020”.  Over the next few weeks, I would like to reflect on the following….

Being the Mom to an Only child amid a Social Distancing Pandemic

Being a Law Enforcement Wife in 2020

Being a Motherless Daughter and Parentless Parent throughout Covid19

Being an Adjunct Professor and Career Counselor in 2020

I think many of you can relate to at least one of these.  I am holding myself accountable to each of these reflections.  I am also bringing myself back to why I even started this Blog and named it “Finding her Sparkle”.  As many of you know, I started to lose mine.  Reflecting on the last few years, I have come to realize that much of this struggle is pretty normal.  For me that is.  As I approach 48 years old in April, I will continue to share this experience as I have learned over the last few years, this is a journey that needs to be shared.  As women approach their 40’s, there are changes that we go through that not too many care to discuss.  I will discuss it all!  Not as an expert or a clinician.  But I now know that I can really help some along this journey.  That might have to be a whole series!  Ha!  Stay tuned on that one…But in the meantime, I thought I would use todays post as a check in.  I keep rereading “Finding Her Sparkle”.  I have always had big goals with this, but this past year kind of kept me in a holding pattern.  I think I spent most of 2020 just trying to keep that sparkle alive.  You know what?  It’s still there…and so is yours….lets go reignite it!

Thanks for reading….xoxoxoxox